UC Personal Statement Version 1.0 (1st Draft)

Ok so for those of you who dont know, the University of California system requires a personal statement from all incoming students, as a part of its application process. It must be within 1,000 words and the prompts for incoming freshman are as follows.

Prompt #1

"Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."(University of California)

Prompt #2

"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"(University of California)

So here is the first draft of my personal statement. Feel free to comment.

Prompt #1

I always felt like I had a fine grasp on who I am. My family constantly attempted to treat me like an adult. My dad would bring me to along when he would hang out with his friends, who are all college graduates. Just listening to those conversations and ideas really helped me build the manner in which I carry myself today. My mom was still a typical mom; spoiling me, hugging me, kissing me, etc, but she at all times made sure I knew the rules and most of the time I followed them. My grandparents lived right down the street so they would baby-sit me a lot, and they were the same way. Basically my entire family tried to treat me like an adult, within reason of course. Despite growing up with all this around me, I still had a lot of difficulty on deciding what career I wanted to pursue. And sure everyone says that, but I don’t mean you wanted to be a firefighter when you were 5 and now you want to be a lawyer. I mean that I honestly had on clue until my sophomore year of high school.

One of my huge interests was, and to an extend still is, technology, so for a while I was considering a career in computers. Although, I enjoy meeting new people and working with people, which I felt a job in computers wouldn’t permit me to do. I also love to help people and the community; that’s what made me join and become an officer for Key Club once I got to high school. I needed a job where I could interact and talk to people. That’s how I eventually got to the idea of the medical field.

Prompt #2

Going into the medical profession was not my first intention. Up until I was about 12, there were basically no deaths in my family, but everyone was getting older, and they eventually started to pass away one by one. Over the past 3-4 years, I’ve attended about 8 funerals, all of which were for my family, whether it be my aunts, uncles, etc. It was a huge shock to me, and made me realize how life can suddenly end, and how much of an impact one person’s life can have.

The biggest loss for me was the death of my grandmother. Earlier that year, my grandfather was in the hospital, and eventually moved to a rehabilitation center. For a while it looked like he didn’t have much time left. Due to this, I had to take care of my grandmother. It was fine at first, but over time she became more dependent and difficult to deal with. My grandmother was then admitted into the hospital, one she could no longer function at home. She was then moved into the same rehabilitation center as my grandfather. Then were there together for about 3 months, but then my grandfather’s condition improved and he came back home. With him gone, my grandmother started to deteriorate. Within weeks, she went back into the hospital in severe condition. When I went to see her in the ICU at the hospital, she couldn’t talk or move; she wasn’t alert. Out family decided to just make her comfortable and let her pass away. When I went to say good-bye, I couldn’t handle it. I broke down and cried. She didn’t pass away for a week or so after we took all the machines off, and my relatives that went to see her said that she wanted to see me, but I need went back to the hospital; I couldn’t handle it.

Once she was gone, and the funeral was done, I had a lot of guilt in not going to see her. That summer, a friend and I decided to volunteer at a hospital for community service. We ended up at the same hospital where my grandmother passed away. For a while, I never wanted to go up to the ICU; it brought back the guilt that I felt. Then I realized that I needed to face it sometime, and this is a great opportunity. I asked to be stationed in the ICU. It was hard at first; a lot of memories came up every time I was in there. Eventually, I started to enjoy thinking about my grandmother, and I felt that by helping these patients, I could help make up for not being strong enough for my grandmother by giving strength to these people who need it the most. I enjoyed giving my all to help save lives, and it made me realize that I had a passion for the medical field. It’s a passion that has pushed me to keep volunteering in various hospitals, to do a paid internship at Kaiser Permanente, and to compete and excel at both State and Nation Conferences for the high school organization H.O.S.A. (Health Occupations Students of America). The internship and the trips of H.O.S.A gave me so many great memories that I know I’m never going to forget and gave me so much experience, not only for going into medicine but for life in general. It’s a cliché statement I know, but true.

Its funny how something so negative and devastating can help focus and clear things up. The medical field was always an option, but it was always toward the bad of my mind, never something I really considered. In my mind, I feel that the medical field provides me with the most direct way to help the maximum amount of people as I can. Sure I could plant a tree or clean a park, that would help people, but if I can save lives, then those people can go plant a tree or clean a park. After being around so many medical facilities; meeting doctors, nurses, patients, families, etc.; and after seeing so much pain and suffering, it makes me want to learn as much as I can and work to the best of my ability to go into the medical field as prepared as possible, so I can make a difference and help better lives.